|I woke up feeling so depressed today. I'm not sure why I feel like this. Just let it pass, please. Maybe I need to up the dosage but I don't want to talk to my psychiatrist aboot it.
Ever had one of those days where you want to get out of bed because your back hurts, but something holds you down? It's like your body knows not to get up, it's warning you to stay in bed.
It's just one of those days.
Current Music: The Killers- Andy, You're A Star
Pros: Joey is out of the house more often than usual. He's happy and upped my allowance.
Cons: Do I even have to state how horrible it is to have the principal around? You could give me a higher allowance but having Hatz there is a buzzkill.
I've been feeling a lot of regret lately with the Kevin Smith movie. That was a big chance I had and I let it go... Will another offer like that come? Christopher Nolan, Spielberg, I'm looking at you.
I can't wait until Jimmy comes back from his Uncle's house. We gotta chill sometime soon because Marco is getting bored of me.
I miss Ash. I want to see her somewhere other than The Dot.
Current Music: Snow Patrol- Grazed Knees
Mrs. Hatzilakos. Or "Daphne" as Joey calls her.
Joey is dating Degrassi's own principal What the hell? This is scary. Emma, I totally feel you now with Simpson dating your mom. But this is Mrs. H and I feel trapped in my mom. It was weird, I was sitting the kitchen and she asked me to get her the paper. I felt that if I didn't, I would get expelled or something. Damn, this is not cool. I should call Caitlin. I wonder if she knows the horror of this relationship.
I've been a hermit of the late. I apologize to all, esp. to Ashley my loving girlfriend. Seriously, she puts up with so much shit I put up. She is so patient and I love her for that.
Current Music: Death Cab for Cutie- A Lack of Color
Things are going okay in the world of Craig. Joey and I seem to have calmed things down between us. Caitlin smoothed things out between us. But Angie claims things are better because he's dating again. Who is he dating? I have no idea; Joe's been kinda secretive aboot that. I have no idea why...
Paige, I know you like older men but it better not be him!!! Haha, sorry, I had to.
I get so worried about Ash and I. Things have been going good for the past few weeks yet I'm worried. I'm worried that I'm gonna mess up, that something bad is going to happen and have her taken away from me. I shouldn't get anxiety over this but I have it. Maybe I need to increase my Lithium dosage...
Jimmy wants to jam again so we're gonna find a way to prop the guitar on his wheelchair. Somehow we'll do it! Anything for the music, right??
Current Music: Say Yes by Elliott Smith
So Joey and I kinda got into a fight. Don't worry, only words were thrown this time.
I learned my lesson that last time and will never ever strike him again. At first I was timid; I didn't want to screw up anything with him anymore. That man is my parental guardian and I should be grateful for all he's done for me. But at the same time I wasn't going to back down....especially not about something as important as this.
What is this? Ashley, of course. We "talked" about the possibility of her rooming with me but the diplomacy lasted for all of three seconds. He talked about how she should go back to her dad's/mom's and how she needs to be home with them. But Ashley is my home; she's my heart. He just doesn't get that. I talked to Caitlin on the phone and she said he probably wasn't keen on the idea of Ashley living in a room with me cuz "we're horny teenagers"
Anyone knows that these pills are killing my sex drive. She offered to talk to him but I know that things are tense between them, had to turn down her kind offer.
So I'm not sure what's up...not even sure if Joey and I are cool with each other. I sort of slammed the door
, punched the wall and threw a picture frame and yeah... Maybe I'll try again some other time.
Current Music: Satellites by Sugar Ray
|» Mr. This Bandwagon is Kinda Cool|
I ____ Craig.|
Craig is ____.
If I were alone in a room with Craig, I would _______.
I want to ______ Craig.
Someday Craig will _____.
Craig reminds me of ___.
Without Craig _______.
Memories of Craig are ________.
Worst thing about Craig is _________.
Best thing about Craig is _________.
I am ________ with Craig.
|» Mr. Love in Vein|
Day at the beach with Ash? Midnight ruckus down by the observatory? Dining like kings at some swanky restaurant? |
We never did these things while together. But now we are and I cherish them like stars in the sky.
I love you Ash and I won't wreck it this time. You meant the world to me and I hope you know that each and every day And the best part? There's just so much more to do. And even better? Summer has only begun.
Manny's home so I'm glad about that.
I kind of promised her that she could stay at Casa Jeremiah...um, we have to talk about that some more now that Ash is staying with us and I know the tension will build. She needs some refuge and I hope she gets it!
|» Mr. Things A Settlin'|
|Ash and I...again? I know you must think I'm crazy but this is the clearest my mind has been, the most sane. This time it'll work, I know I've said it numerous times but it will
Things are going good. slowly Joey is learning to trust me again. He's been a little clingy since Caitlin is gone; luckily Angie is around and now has a tea partner, lol. It's going to be a long summer of Joey wanting to rebuild a family.
Been hanging out with Ashley a lot. I guess we have something in common
and are in love with the tensions going on. It's good to have someone to lean on and kiss, hug, feel affection. I just hope things work out in our favor.
Sean and I hung out for awhile the other day, he seems to be having some girl issues. He also mentioned something about needing a place to stay, heh. I'll have to ask Joey about that.
|» Mr. Homecoming Take 2|
It’s…it’s good to be back. Nothing’s changed; my room is the same, the garage in the condition I left it. And that’s about all I can say about the setting....|
Joey isn’t too happy with me and I don’t blame him. I hate that my problems became his and to an extent, he and Caitlin’s. I never intended on jeopardizing their engagement (if its still there). Caitlin’s staying for another day or so before flying back to Los Angeles to finish the first episode production of “Ryan’s Planet”, the revival of it at least. Once she’s gone, I will Joey will slam down the iron fist I deserve. And then I’ll be stuck here all summer playing hopscotch with Angie. Such a scary thought ::shudders::
Hanging out with Ellie, Sean and Emma was pretty good. Some people are still the same and that’s good.
I can only hope the same for Ashley. Please still love me, please don’t let go. Why haven’t you been answering my calls?
In conclusion (This sounds like a Kwan essay), I’m really sorry for putting you guys through all the pain. It was the most regretful of decisions based on rash thinking
and lack of medication. I’m sorry and this apology extends to everyone from Ashley (mostly) to Jay to even Heather Sinclaire.
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